Category: Krista

Krista Got Clean

Jeffrey_Stockbridge_Krysta_2014Krista, 2014.

I photographed Krista back in 2009. See here. Two weeks ago she emailed me to tell me she had gotten clean. She stopped by my studio and shared her story below.

Audio Transcript

Krista: Uh, my name is Krista, I’ve been clean since May 13, 2011. I’m kinda fascinated by looking pictures of myself when, you know, I was using, um… and I’d like to keep them as a reminder because I know myself that I’d get high one time and I’d be right back, um, standing out there.

I always think it’s cool to let somebody know, like “Hey, I’m okay now.” You know? Uh, I just, you know, I just think people like you that do things like this would actually be interested in knowing that, you know, somebody got through and they’re alright, they’re not dead, they’re not still out there, they’re doing better. So I, you know, contacted you and here I am.

I couldn’t say that it was like a traumatic event that made me wanna get clean or, you know, I didn’t find God or anything like that, I just, you know, I feel like I just grew up, you know? I was thirty-three when I got clean; I’m thirty-six now, and I feel like I’ve wasted my life. You know… I don’t regret… I don’t regret it because I learned a lot of things, and I’m… I think that I’m a pretty good person and I don’t think I would be the same or be as compassionate or, you know, understanding. I think I’m at the point now that everything that I have and that’s… not material things at all, but like, the people and friends and everything that I have in my life, like, is not worth me losing, you know, just to feel good for, you know, a couple hours, it’s just not worth it to me anymore.

JS: So what are you doing now?

K: Well right now I’m going to school for veterinary tech, um, I’m a crazy cat lady, um… I always, I always loved animals, when I was growing up I used to ride horses and I always wanted to be a veterinarian, and uh, obviously I can’t become an actual veterinarian at this point, I’m kinda old, so I started, um, school for vet tech, I volunteered at the SPCA for two years, the first two years of… of being clean… um, I got this kitten, and he was like, the world to me, because that animal, as long as I fed him, you know, he loved me no matter what. And uh, it was like my kid.

Like I told you, when I look at these pictures it’s like… I don’t even know that person; it’s so weird. I didn’t feel sorry for myself, I didn’t want other people to feel sorry for me. I knew what I was doing was wrong and that I was killing myself, I just didn’t care, you know? I… a lot of people like to say that… well, and it’s true, that drug addicts and alcoholics are selfish, self-centered people. And we are, because we wanna do what we wanna do, and, you know, not care what anybody… how anyone else feels, but at the same time, I didn’t care about myself enough, you know, to… to do something about it. And, because I’d been living this way for so long, you know that’s what… that’s one thing that kept me doing what I was doing, and I just think certain things happened at the right time and… you know, in the weeks that preceded me getting arrested the last time, um, I would be standing on the corner, and just think to myself, “This really sucks, like I… this sucks, it just… I don’t wanna do this.” Um, but I also didn’t have the strength to go about doing something about it myself. So I think when I was kinda forced into the situation to do it, that gave me, like, the strength to just be like “alright, I’m gonna do this now, because I don’t wanna live like this anymore, I just don’t.” And I wasn’t enjoying it, you know, I wasn’t having fun walking the streets, but I kept thinking to myself, “What else am I gonna do? You know, this is all I know how to do.” You know, and I actually with my criminal record, I can’t even get a job at Wawa. And that’s what had, discourages a lot of people that I still know that have been clean for a little while, they’re trying to get their shit together, but nobody will give them a chance to, to do the right thing, because of their past, so… I understand that I just can’t use that as an excuse anymore.



Krista, 2009.

Audio Transcription:

Krista: I got out, I got,  I been out since July, um…but I was in a recovery house for like 7 months, um, started getting high again just two months ago.

As soon as you start again, your habit’s just as bad as it was before you stopped. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn’t, like, build up again. It, it goes right back to where it was.

I, I know, you know what I’m saying, I know what the right thing to do is. I, I’m not at that point anymore where I’m just like, Oh I’m depressed, I’m a drug addict, you know what I mean? I know right from wrong and I know I can’t let things that happened to me in the past let, decide the way I live my life today. Right now I’m just, right now I’m just fucking up because I don’t care. You know what I mean?  Because I, I’ve been clean, you know what I mean, and I, I know I can do it, and I, I just, I’m not like, I’m not where they’re at right now. They’re, they’re all, like, you know, depressed and shit, and I’m just, you know, I’m just fuckin up right now. You know, I mean, and I, I know I’ll get back to where I need to be, but this is what it, what it is right now.

I’ve been out on the Ave since 2001. Before, when I was 17, I started workin for escort services, and then I came out here in 2001, and I’ve been out here most of the time. I mean, I’ve been in jail a couple times, but most of the time I’ve been out here. But I’ve been doing dope for 16 years. I started doing dope when I was 14.

I was in Delaware County when I, I moved down here when I was like, 17. Cause like, back when I was 14 it was 1992 when Kurt Cobain killed himself, so like back then, it was like, cool to do heroin. You know what I mean? Me and my friend started doing dope, and, you know, it just turned into something different.

JS: What’d it turn into?

Krista: Well back then, I just, you know, I liked the way it made me feel. It made everything go away. It made me feel like everything was okay. You know what I mean? I didn’t care what anybody thought of me, you know what I mean, I didn’t care about anything, and I liked it that way. But it’s not even like that anymore. I don’t even get high anymore. I just get well. And eve…even though I just started, I just came back again, I probably only got high for like the first couple days. And then after 4 days I had a, I had a habit. You know what I mean? And it’s, it’s just this now. You know what I mean? It’s just regular.

I’m trying to get Suboxone right now because my insurance isn’t going to pay for me to go to detox or anything again. So I’m trying to get Suboxone so I can detox myself then go to another recovery house. You know, but it’s hard cause I gotta buy em off the street, you know what I mean, so it’s hard when I got the money to go down there and see if there’s anybody out there that has em, and if, you know, if they don’t then I’m spending the money on, on drugs, you know, and then I gotta start all over again. So. Alright, I gotta go, I don’t want these cops talking to me.

Krista, 2009.

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