KENSINGTON BLUES

Tag: Audio Recording

September 13, 2013

Marion

04 001Marion, 2012.

Edited Audio Transcript

Marion: I think the last time I seen ya with that picture, um, I was upstate at SCI Muncey for like three years, and I got out and I started using right away but then, um, I found out I was pregnant so they put me right on the clinic, and then I stayed sober for probably about another, bout, 18, 19 months, and then I relapsed, um, not this November that just passed but around the November before that, so maybe like, uh, 2000 and, yeah, so I, it’s been a year.  It’s been…it’s been a little over a year, and um…

JS: How long have you been on the Avenue?

Marion: Off and on for, about, 13 years.

JS: Can you tell me a little bit about how you got started?

Marion: I went into rehab, for, like, snorting cocaine, taking oxies, perks, and I met people that did dope and smoked crack, and, you know, like, one thing led to another, and I was just, I was, I wanted to try it, and I did. But, you know, I sniffed dope, I didn’t shoot it at the time, but it only took a few months before, you know, I started shooting it. But, yea, a guy had introduced me to it, and um, I did dope for a couple months and then I started, you know, smoking crack and then that led into shooting coke, and its like one thing led to another and it just progressed. And then, I, um, I was born and raised around here, so I already knew about Kensington Avenue.

JS: What did you know about it?

Marion: Well I know the prostitution, stuff like that. You know, I, I’ve known about that since I was young. But I was never exposed to it.  I grew up down Fishtown. I never came over this side until I started getting high. And then, you know, once you started prostituting and you figure out how quick you get that money, that was it. It’s been a struggle ever since…

JS: So the last time I talked to you, you said you were working on getting clean.

Marion: Ummm… I mean, I, I’ve been taking Suboxone. I got, I finally detoxed. I went down the Poconos on, um, over Christmas vacation, but um, like I used a couple times but it’s just not worth it. So, you know, like I, I used the other day, and it’s just, it’s not worth it. But, you know, I still get high; I still smoke rock, I smoke weed. You know. I gotta try to stop it all.

JS: Do you see, do you think that you’ll ever wind up stopping, or do you think that it’s just something that’s gonna continue?

Marion: Definitely have potential. I just have to put everything down. Everything.

JS: Do you think you could put everything down still living in Philly, still living in this neighborhood?

Marion: Oh yea, yea. Definitely. I mean, relocating is good, you know, especially in beginning, but it doesn’t have to be. I know people that have like 20 some years sober that run recovery houses in the same building that they used to shoot meth 20 years prior. Like, they’re… it might be easier if you relocate, you know, but it really don’t matter. You can put me in Egypt and if I want to get high, I’ll find it. You know what I mean. I’ve all, I’ve already done it. Going down the shore, Atlantic City, you know, I don’t, I don’t know anybody down there, but I found it. It’s not hard to find. You know. It’s up to the person.

JS: It’s up to the person to find a way to get over it.

Marion: Yea. It’s up, it’s up to you. If you wanna get clean, you’re gonna go clean. You know, there’s like, no half ass. There’s no smoking weed but putting down dope. There’s no smoking rock but then putting down dope. It all ties together. You have to put it all down.

JS: Why is it that you think you don’t want to put it down yet?

Marion: Mmmm, well it’s like with the, with the dope, I, I know I definitely don’t wanna do that. But, it’s… still living this lifestyle no matter what. Like you, you wanna get high. That’s why I need to like do a recovery house, a halfway… I need some structure. Discipline. Cause obviously my way don’t work…

Marion_journal_2013Journal Entry by Marion, 2012.


Edited Audio Transcript

Marion: It’s insane out there. That’s what makes me not wanna do it even more because I’m just tired of being, out there. It’s so dangerous. It’s just getting worse and worse.

JS: So you’re saying it’s really hard out there, but apparently it’s not hard enough to keep people from doing it, right?

Marion: Right. That’s the drugs. No matter what, especially if you’re, you know, a heroin addict, you always need that fix because it’s physical, so you have to make money. You don’t have a choice. See, the person that does cocaine, that’s not physical. You can you can pick it up and put it down and be fine and wake up the next day. You know, if you do dope, you’re gonna, you’re gonna be sick. I mean, you absolutely have to go out. You have to do some; you have to, you don’t have a choice. So no matter how bad it is, and I mean I had a million things happen to me, and I still went anyway. You know, I still went anyway. It didn’t matter.

JS: Do you have family in Philadelphia?

Marion: Everywhere, hahaha. They’re only blocks away. I have family in Fishtown, Port Richmond, Kensington, yeah.

JS: What has your family’s involvement been with, with uh, any of the choices you’ve made in your life?

Marion: It hasn’t been all that positive.

JS: Are they still there? Are you still speaking with them?

Marion: I… I spoke to my sister a couple weeks ago. You know, they’re okay. They’re back and forth. You know. I have, I have two kids. I have a 15 year old daughter and a 17 month old son.

JS: Do you see them?

Marion: I haven’t, no.

JS: Why?

Marion: Because I need to be completely clean before I go back into their lives. You know what I mean? That’s one thing– both my kids never seen me high. Never. Never. And I don’t want them to. I also don’t want to confuse them or hurt them more than they’re already hurt.

JS: So you’ve made a conscious decision to sorta keep yourself separate from them for the time being.

Marion: Yea.

JS: And you said 17 months. So, that was not too long ago. Were you working on the Ave then?

Marion: No, no. I was sober and on Suboxone for a while, and, uh, then uh, my mom had passed away. Oh, wait, no; that’s when I relapsed.  Um, I was on the Suboxone running a recovery house; two recovery houses actually, and I relapsed. I was getting high for a while, then I found out I was pregnant. That’s when they put me; I went to Jefferson hospital, and they put me on Methodone right away cause you can’t go through withdrawal. They put me on family center clinic and I went into My Sister’s Place, its called. MSP; its like a mother and children program. Awesome program; best program I was ever in. And I was in there for my whole pregnancy. I had my son there and everything. Then I got out, and uh, my mom passed away while I was still there, and I didn’t relapse right away till about three months after she had, she died. That’s when it kinda hit me. That’s when I relapsed. So I’ve been back out here for over a straight year, over a year, straight.

JS: Has the lack of other employment opportunities influenced any of your decisions in a way, like have you had a hard time trying to make money in other ways?

Marion: No, no I mean I’ve never had a problem getting a job. Like, I mean, I’ve, I’ve worked, when I was younger, I used to work for lawyers downtown, um, doing like secretary work, stuff like that. My, my grades in school, I graduated from Hallahan downtown in Center City, um, waitressing jobs, catering jobs, um, I mean, I used to make like $20 an hour. I used to make like really good money. But, when you’re getting high, it just, it can’t work. Not a normal job. You know, all responsibility just goes, pshhh, right out the window…

JS: Can you start over.

Marion: Okay, cause this is so true. It says, If I’ve learned anything throughout my addiction it’s that a dope fiend will take your things and then tell you about it. A crackhead will take your stuff and help you look for it. Kensington is like the land of the lost. Once you get in you’ll never get out. Some people are lucky and do recover. I believe that could be me if I want it. I’m gonna put ‘if I want it.’  And, this, too, shall pass.  It took me long enough but I finally believe that. I wish I would have listened to the program, AA, cause I choose AA, years ago but I didn’t, now I’m 34 and still struggling. That is so true. That took me years to learn that, that a dope fiend will take your stuff and then tell you about it once they get well, you know but a crack head will take your stuff and help you look for it. Very sad but true.

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July 25, 2013

Flo

Jeffrey_Stockbridge_FloFlo, 2009.

 

Audio Transcript

JS: You were telling Tina about this just a min ago. About how uh, you were chasing down girls to get money for drug dealers?

Flo: Yeah.

JS: Tell me a little about that real quick.

Flo: The dealer would ask me to go either get the money, if they ain’t got the money then they would have to get their ass kicked, they had to pay either way.

JS: So the dealers are giving out dope to girls without money?

Flo: They would front them cause they were sick. And they were supposed to pay them back. But then they would like hide from the dealer, you know what I mean, and that pisses them off so they want their ass kicked. I would go hunt them down and either get the money or kick their ass.

Flo: All these bitches are slimy, that’s why I don’t hesitate to kick their ass. Because I know what they’re about. You know what I mean.

Flo: I help them out. When they’re dopesick I help them out. You know what I mean. When you say you’re gonna do a date and you’re gonna pay me back, pay me back. Don’t cop something- your gonna cop drugs right in front of me and then act like I’m invisible that’s bullshit. And like there dates that I get out here, the old guys, they’ll (other girls) get the money and jump outta the car and scream ‘Somebody Help Me, Somebody Help Me’ and this way the guy will get scared and he won’t like, yeah so I mean, it’s wrong.

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July 12, 2013

Edward and Robert

Jeffrey_Stockbridge_Edward-02Edward Merchel III, Winter 2011.

Jeffrey_Stockbridge_Journal_Entry_Edward_RobertJournal Entry by Edward and Robert Merchel, 2011.

Jeffrey_Stockbridge_Robert_Merchel-01Robert Merchel, holding the photograph of his recently deceased brother, 2011.

I met Edward Merchel III while photographing on the abandoned Lehigh Viaduct, also know as “the tracks”. This is a place where addicts retreat from the street in order to shoot up without fear of getting busted. A few weeks later I was on the corner of Kensington and Somerset, sharing new prints with people I potentially wanted to photograph and I met Robert.

Audio Transcript

Robert: He died, uh, July 25th they found him at the gas station on uh, at the Sunoco station. I’m not lying to you.

JS: I believe you.

Robert: Uh, my brother Eddie, that’s him…that’s my brother Eddie.

JS: Were you close with Eddie?

Robert: Yeah, he was my only brother.

JS: Were you helping him at all dealing with his addiction?

Robert: Yeah. Yeah.

JS: He was on it for a while, right?

Robert: Since he was 12.  Wow, do you have one where you can see his face real good?

JS: I do, the boy took it. Here it is, right here.

Robert: Can I have that, that’s my brother.

Passerby:  I know it is but I really like it.

JS: I’ll give you another one.

Passerby: E-mail it to me. E-mail it to me.

Robert: My brother, my brother’s dead.

Passerby: I know he is.

JS: I’ll give you another one man.

Passerby: Can you email it to me?

JS: Yeah yeah yeah.

Passerby: I’ll give you my email address, here. (Passing the photo to Robert)

Robert: Ah, man.

Passerby: That’s a good picture, ain’t it?

Robert: Ah man. Thanks.

Passerby: I was gonna hold onto that. I was just with him a month ago. I was just with him.

Robert: He died.

Passerby: I know he did, let me see the other one.

Robert: He was a wall writer.

Passerby: That’s amazing, man.

Robert: His name was pretty boy back in the 70’s.

Robert: …I was on vacation, and uh,  I called home and my father said uh they found my brother we used to call him Stachi.

Passerby: Yeah, that was my home boy.

Robert: and uh, they found him on uh 25th, it was a Mon…it was a Tuesday and uh, they took fingerprints and uh, my father’s name’s Eddie, Eddie Merchel his name is, right and uh, my dad’s brother’s a cop but he’s retired so when they got the fingerprints he thought it was his brother and he came down and met my father at, ya know, went to his house and he was like, they found Eddie at the Sunoco station on uh, Frankford and Lehigh. I went there last week and knocked on the window and asked the woman about the guy they found dead, she said I was here that day. I said, How long was he there? She said he was there an hour and 15 minutes.

Passerby: You’d think you could make a documentary about this neighborhood.

Robert: That’s what he is doin’

Passerby: Seriously..know what I’m saying, this is, this is one of a kind, this neighborhood, really…and throughout the United States there’s probably not a neighborhood like this, seriously.

Robert: Sure there is, every city has a neighborhood just like this. Like I been to the Lower East Side of Manhattan.

Passerby: I don’t think there is..there’s something, you don’t even..

Robert: No matter where you go, if you meet somebody from wherever and they’ve been to Philly, everybody knows Kensington and Somerset.

Passerby: It’s like the Bermuda triangle down here.

Passerby: Yeah, man it’s hard.

Robert: Once you get in you can’t get out.

Passerby: …and like just cause I don’t use dope but I’m caught up in this too, I’m caught up in this too. Right there, she be up the street. (Refering to a woman in a  photograph of mine)

Robert: I know everybody in that. (Refering to my stack of photos)

Passerby: That’s some picture, man. This is something, man. All this but nobody’s sayin, man, people gotta know what goes on right here, man. I’m telling you man, this is something man, people don’t know man. This is, this is…

Robert: This is Hell. This is my brother.

Passerby: What he’d do?

Robert: He’s dead.

Passerby: Where?

Robert: At the gas station on Lehigh, there he is again. He’s dead now,  OD’d. What did he sign, pretty boy? That was his wall right writing name back in the day. That’s what we used to do…tag.

Robert: (Reading Edward’s journal entry) My name is Edward Merchel, Edward Merchel the 3rd. I was once known as king of the graffiti, in this world from 1975 to 1978. I was, I was the king, which he was, but now its Feburary the 11th, I am on drugs Heroin, Coke and need to get off these drugs. I mean now.

Drug Dealer: Suboxone!

Danny: You mind talking to me for a sec?

Robert: Well, that, well…

Danny: I gotta talk to you about them pictures.

JS: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll talk to you in one sec, man.

Robert: Well, that’s enough about me, see all of you later. That’s my brother. Edward Merchel… I’ll write something.

Robert: (Reading his journal entry) Hello Ed this is your brother Robbie, I knew I’d see you again and I did. It was crazy, I was coming down Kensington Ave, I met this guy that took your picture. I was shocked to see you but I knew where to find you. It made my whole day, its August 25th 2011, you’ve been gone one month to the day. It’s really crazy but I knew I’d see you again. I hope your with Mom, Nana and Jamie I miss you a whole…I miss you a whole lot, and everybody you know down here misses you too. Say hello to Mom, Nana and Jamie for me, come see me in my dreams. I’ll be waiting for you, love your brother Robbie. Aka Bolo NP with PB #1. Take it easy Ed.

 

13 Comments
May 16, 2013

Sarah

002 019Sarah, 2011.

Edited Audio Transcript:

Sarah: I’m homeless… I, um… I’m 55, I have a Master’s degree in psychology but after my husband of 20 years, Mother, and Father, uh, died in a car accident two, two years ago, I uh lost my home of twenty some years in Mount Holly, New Jersey, I lost my entire family, my career, um, my health, all in one fell swoop. Uh, yeah.

JS: How long have you been down here on the ave?

Sarah: About a year and a half.

JS:  What’re you doing down here?

Sarah: Nothing, uh prostituting.

JS:  To, to uh?

Sarah: To eat. To eat.  Well, I am on methadone maintenance for pain management, I start with, my back’s broken in five places, I have a rod in it and my knees are crushed, my pelvis is crushed.  So I start with, uh, when I had my good insurance, my good job you know, I had, went to the good doctors who gave me the good, uh, medication.  Now I’m on the bad, you know, uh, insurance with the bad medication and the bad doctors, that uh, that are trying to convince me that I am bad, you know, there is something wrong with me because I must be a drug addict because, uh, I became addicted to these pain medications. Well, I’m sorry, that’s, that’s not my belief. People take pain medications every day and must take them.  And of course you’re addicted to them, of course you are.  You know, if you take, uh, a murder a day, you’re addicted to it.  That’s a joke down here.

Excuse me, I’m unhappy, I have nothing. I sleep on the ground, you know, I wake up in and, uh, this morning, in the morning and I say good morning to people “Good Morning, Good Morning” and they’re like, they look at you like they wanna say “Fuck you!”  I’ve never seen a city, see I’ve been to a lot of cities, all over the world, I’ve never seen a city as miserable as this, never. And I think it must be poverty.  It has to be poverty in conjunction with… What?  You know what I’m saying, in this city, the problem, the problem here, I believe with drug use is what’s behind the drug use.  Self-loathing and, uh, just loathing in general, you know and, why, why the f not? You know, my life sucks, no matter how I feel I ain’t giving in…

This is like my bedroom, and immediately as soon as I go to sleep here, “oh she’s fucked up on some drug” you know, “she’s high”, and they call the ambulance and they wake me up, and they jostle me and they hit me with Narcan, which is the worst feeling in the world, you know.  What it does is it immediately sucks all the opiates out of your body which means not only any pain killers you may have in you, but your natural opiates too.  And uh, so I’m on methadone maintenance so it sucks every, every bit of  pain, um, out of my body and makes me vomit, makes me, uh, cold, uh and that and that feeling stays with you for 48 hours and they threaten me with this Narcan, everytime they see me.  Yeah, you know they threaten me, you know, “Get out of, if you don’t get out of here we’re gonna give you Narcan.” You know and it it’s like ridiculous and I just wanna say, “Who the fuck are you?” You know, but you can’t, you dare not say anything…

I got uh beat up by one of the prostitutes down here.  Happens all the time.  She uh, her and this black prostitute… wanna beat me up all the time.  And they think, they think that I think I’m better than everybody else, there’s some kinda psychosis going on there, because um I’m educated and I don’t, I’m the proper talking white girl, that’s what they call me, the proper talking white girl, and you know, I’m only who I am and I’m not gonna change that. I’m, I’ve been, all my life I’ve been told by different, countless therapists, I’m ambivalent. You’re ambivalent.  What the hell does that mean, that I change my mind? Yeah of course I change my mind, I’m a human being, We’re forever fluid aren’t we? I thought we were supposed to be…

“Don’t you know about the risks?”  Haha, sure, No I don’t know about the risks.  Even a 5th grader knows about the risks.  Haha, this stupid bureaucracy, “don’t you know about the risks?” When I go and try and get housing. “Don’t you know about the risks?” Haha. No, I don’t, I don’t know. I have a Master’s degree, but I don’t know about the risks. I did, I worked as an AIDS educator before AIDS was AIDS. In the very beginning of, the late 70s, I was in the northeast corridor. I worked there, I worked in the northeast corridor of New Jersey between New Jersey and New York. At that time every AIDS patient had to be documented with the county and when they would call for an ambulance the ambulances would not pick them up. The ambulances would not touch them, I drove, I can’t tell you how many AIDS patients I drove to the hospital in my car, because the ambulance would’nt pick them up because they had a PCP, pneumonia, or whatever.  And uh, and now I’m the person they don’t wanna pick up, not because I have AIDS, but because they just don’t wanna, they just don’t wanna to pick me up.  I’ve held the hand of so many dying people, who’s gonna be here to hold my hand…

JS: Here’s some photographs.

Sarah: Wow. Wow. Mary, she calls me mom.  I’m her street mom.  I’m everybody, I’m a lot of people’s street mom.  I’m, all these young hookers, I’m their mom.  They always when they see me they go “Mom, are you alright? Mom, mom, are you alright? Don’t you fuck with my Mom. Is anybody fucking with you today mom?”  They need somebody.

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October 25, 2012

Jessica

Jessica, 2010.

Audio Transcription

Matt (pictured below): Under these streets, under these, under the train tracks, the shit that goes on in the woods, the shit that goes on while this train is driving by above our heads, the things that go on, on these streets at night when the lights go off, are the kind of things that, that, that people can only dream about, that people can only, it just amazes, it would amaze a normal person, it, it would, it would totally amaze a normal person. Me, myself, like I came down on the train and I got stuck and I been here for 10 years. 10 years I been down here.

Jessica: I’ve been here 2 weeks and it’s been a lifetime. I’ve been here 2 weeks and it’s been a lifetime.

Matt: Living on the streets. Living on the streets for 2 years.

Jessica: I mean you can only make it if you have someone that cares. I only found one so far that hasn’t rolled on me.  His name’s …

Matt: The things that go on, on these streets need to be documented. Something.

Jessica: So people might learn.

Matt: Something needs, something needs to be done about the population of the homeless people under this avenue.

Jessica: And the lost people on drugs.

Matt: From here up and down Kensington Avenue all the way from, from, from Frankford to Lehigh, the square, the Badlands they call it. It is packed solid with, with Heroin, Cocaine addicts and, and it’s just…

Passerbys: Are you doing a documentary? Are you doing a documentary?  I want the documentary to be, to be the land of the zombies. That’s how I look at it. When you come down, that’s exactly how you look at it.

It’s all about the cockroaches.

Yeah it’s like a whole bunch of cockroaches.

I look at it like it’s the land of the zombies. People who are, who are you know…

Jessica: I never, I never thought this would ever happen. You never think it’s gonna happen to you until you come down and, and actually see it for yourself. And then you’re beaten and raped and dumped off in other neighborhoods and then… It just takes a piece of you.

Matt: Tie marks, tie marks down your neck.

Jessica: I done this in 2 weeks.

Matt: Look, look at her arm. She’s got, she’s got medical insurance. She could walk right into Episcopal Hospital right now. She could. If you wanted to you could walk right into Episcopal Hospital right now and go to Detox, right now.

Jessica: I’ve gone and talked to them, but the coke calls me, it just calls my, it just calls me. I gotta, gotta, I gotta erase the pain.

Matt: She has ID and she has Medical Insurance.

Jessica: It’s all mental.

Matt: Slowly together me and her are going to get ourselves off of drugs. We’re gonna get us a place.

Jessica: We gotta get off the Ave though.

Matt: We’re gonna get some Suboxones. We’re gonna get us something, something nice…

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